Eyes

This is for people who pretend that everything is okay but it’s definitely not.

This is my very own spoken word poetry about myself. I hope you’ll like it. All the love.

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When you see me with just your eyes looking,

You will not know the universe inside of me hiding

 

The universe wherein,

You are not allowed to explore

For the reason that

You might get stuck when you reach the core

 

The universe living inside of me

Is a monster

It is invading my system

Like a spreading cancer

 

Everyday

Every. Single. Day.

I’ve been luring with this monster

Saying,

Whispering,

“You are not worthy, you don’t deserve anything”

 

I’ve been having a hard time getting up in the morning

Because my breakfast

Are the doubts continually

Running inside my head

 

 

That this day,

I might fail

I might get a low grade in my quiz

I might hurt somebody with the things I will say

Or the things I will make

 

I’m afraid

Afraid in every little detail of me

 

Afraid that I will be rejected

Afraid that I will make a mistake

Afraid that I will never be good enough

Afraid that everybody will leave me behind

 

Those thoughts are enveloping my universe inside

 

It drowns my soul

It drowns me that every time I wanted to swim

I’ll always end up sinking

 

This dark, dark side of me

Is the truth that

even though I’m smiling outside

even though I’m laughing at times

Even though sometimes I’m being carefree

Even though sometimes, you, the people I love see me, happy

But all of you don’t know,

That this girl speaking in front of you

 

Is craving for hugs because

Every night she cries herself to sleep

 

This girl needs love,

But she thinks people don’t allow it to be given to her

 

All she wanted was the problems to go away

But those always stay

 

She may be smiling

But she was dying,

Bleeding,

Her heart has been shattering

Inside.

 

And none of you knows that.

 

She is just

Wanting attention

Wanting no comparison

Wanting no set standards

Wanting the word perfect

To be just a word

But does not need to be proven.

 

She’s that girl,

Happy at the outside

Broken on the inside.

 

But, still fighting bravely

In this war called life

 

Still, hugging positivity

Instead of dwelling on negativity

 

So please,

I have one request

Don’t just look at me,

With those judging eyes

 

Look at me as a girl,

Who’s struggling inside

But continues to fight

 

Look at me as a girl,

Who’s not perfect

But always

Always

Tries to prove herself.

 

Look at me as a caterpillar,

That soon,

Anytime soon,

Will be a butterfly.

 

Look at me with the look evident in your eyes,

That you understand me,

Understand every flaw,

Every piece,

Every imperfection

Of me.

 

Because this is me.

You have nothing to do but accept the reality,

That I am me.

I am Nicole.

 

Date Created: August 19, 2017

-atarahxx ❤

Questions Left Unanswered

Hi guys! Here’s another poem that I had created a long time ago and I’m gonna share it with all of you. Hope you like it. All the love.

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Would you care if I say goodbye

or you would just look at me in the eye?

How despicable of you to treat me this way?

You always ruin my day

 

How can I unlove you

when you make my heart not blue?

How stupid of me to fall for your trap

and left me hanging in a bubble pop

 

I miss you, honestly

but let me ask you, do you even miss me?

Or you’re just happy with somebody?

I’m so lonely and yet you’re so full of glee

 

I can’t even stare at your face now

But the last time it felt like wow

I’d love your dazzling smile

But I only witnessed it for awhile

 

Thank you for giving me bliss

in a quite short time

Even though it felt like a quiz.

Am I the one to blame?

 

Is it my fault to fall for you?

Or is it a chance to break every piece of me

that you won’t even fix with a glue

You unlocked me into chains and doesn’t let me free

 

All this time I’m locked in a golden cage

So full of disappointment and rage

How did you do this to me?

You left me in the sea drowning unhelplessly

 

Date written: November 20, 2016

 

-atarahxx ❤

 

Bilang

Para sa mga taong patuloy na ginawa lamang ay magmahal ngunit patuloy na nasasaktan.  Para ito sa inyo, kayong nagpapakamartyr sa pag-ibig.

Hey guys! This is a spoken word poetry about love but I’m sorry it’s in Filipino language. I’m sure to make it up to my readers who can’t understand our language, I swear! So here it is, enjoy!

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Isa, dalawa, tatlo

Tatlong mga salita lamang ang gusto kong marinig sa’yo

Mga salitang alam kong magpapatibok sa nangungulila kong puso

Mga salitang alam kong magpapaikot sa aking mundo

 

Dumating nga ang araw na iyon

na iyong napagtanto na iniibig mo rin ako

“Mahal din kita”

Napakasarap pakinggan

Napakasarap paulit-ulitin sa aking isipan

 

Mahal, naaalala mo pa ba?

ang mga pinagsaluhan nating ala-ala

Nakahiga tayo noon sa damuhan

Nakatanaw sa mga bituin at napaka liwanag na buwan

 

Nasa iisang kumpas ang pintig ng ating mga puso

Sumasayaw sa indayog ng pagmamahalan nating dalawa

Ang tibok ng puso ay tunog musika

 

Kitang-kita sa iyong mga labi

ang ngiting alam kong ni ninuman ay hindi mababawi

Maski ang iyong mapupungay na mga mata

ay ngumingiti sa sobrang tuwa at saya

 

Naaalala mo pa ba?

Noong tayong dalawa

ang nasa bisig ng bawat isa

Para tayong nasa nobela

na kung saan alam nilang magkakatuluyan silang dalawa

 

Pero mahal, naaalala mo pa ba?

Noong panahong, nabaling ang iyong mga mata

sa kanya

 

Tandang-tanda ko iyon

Lahat ng iyong atensyon ay sa kanya nakatuon

 

Dumating ang araw,

na nawala na ang sayaw

sa mga puso nating noon ay naliligaw

 

Nawala na ang sigla

na iyong nadarama

kapag kapiling mo ko sinta

 

Nawala ang ningning

sa iyong mga mata

kapag ako ay iyong kapiling

 

Alam kong mayroong nagbago

At oo, sobrang nasaktan ako

at mas lalong dumugo ang puso ko

noong sinabi mong

“wala na tayo”

 

Isa, dalawa, tatlo

Tatlong salita ang hiniling kong marinig

Tatlong salita rin ang nagpawala sa aking tinig

 

Sobrang sakit,

ang mga sugat ay tila walang makapagbibigay ng lunas

ang mga sugat ay tila panghabang-buhay na kupas

 

Isang araw,

aking natanaw

kayong dalawa

nagtatawanan sa may kalsada

 

Pigil na pigil ang mga luha ko

Pigil na pigil ang mga hinanakit ko sa’yo

Ayaw ko kasing umabot sa punto

na makasira ako ng relasyong nabuo niyo

 

Bagamat hindi na ako ang nasa tabi mo

At siya na ang nakayapos sa mga bisig mo

Mahal, lagi mong tatandaan na masaya ako

Kahit nakatago ako sa mga anino niyo

Pawang nasa inyong likuran at siya ang prayoridad mo sa harapan

 

Patuloy pa rin kitang mamahalin

Hanggang sa maubos ang hininga ko kakahiling

Hanggang sa maubos ang pasensya ko kakahintay

 

Kailanman ay hindi susuko sa gyera

Sa pagitan ng puso at isip ko

Na itigil na

O patuloy na ipagpatuloy pa

 

Isa, dalawa, tatlo

Heto na naman ako,

Magbibilang hanggang muling mapasa’yo

Magbibilang hanggang makakaya ko

Magbibilang kahit alam kong malabo na

 

Malabo ng maibalik ang ngiti sa iyong mga mata

Malabo ng maibalik ang iyong puso na noon ay sa akin

 

Isa, dalawa, tatlo

Patuloy na magbibilang

Maibalik lang ang dating tayo.

 

Mahal, mamahalin kita

Hanggang maubos na ang lahat ng numerong

Binabanggit ko at babanggitin ko pa.

Hanggang malagutan ng hininga,

Mamahalin pa rin kita

Isa, dalawa, tatlo…

 

-atarahxx ❤

The Opposite of Positive

I’m back at poems again! This is my 2nd poem to be posted here in my blog. Hope you like it. This is quite short but still enjoy reading! All the love.

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A sea of thoughts is inside my mind
Waves of negative ideas smashed on the shore

All I wanted was things to be better
but it went the other way,
it became worse

I just want everything to be alright
I want to see the sun’s light
instead of seeing the dark sky

I’m still hoping for better days
Still wishing upon the galaxy of stars,
that one day,

All of these problems will leave and never stay
and this feeling of emptiness will go away.

 

– Atarahxx ❤

Fantasy

This poem is just a plain one and here’s the second post for this day. Again please bear with me, I’m currently reviewing for my midterms exams and I just love WordPress that’s why I’ll share this with you guys! All the love.

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Since I was a kid,
I was a hopeless romantic

All I wanted was a prince charming
and live in a castle that was so dazzling

I always dreamt of having that sad life,
then after that everything will be alright

A handsome prince will save me
from my cruel stepsisters and mommy

But life doesn’t work that way,
and the reality definitely sucks

It’s not about fairies and butterflies
It’s about problems, and learning not to cry

Life is pretty hard,
that’s the sad part

Fairy tales taught me that everything comes easy,
and for that I was in a melancholy

But, I do still believe
that in my life
a fairy tale story will exist.

 

-Atarahxx ❤

 

 

 

 

WordPress? Why not?

Hello guys! Come to think of it, it’s my first ever blog! So please bear with me, I’m not very good at this. I’m just a mere beginner here. Stop the chitchat, read on and enjoy!

WordPress got me like WOW, as in ‘awesomeness’ is the best word to describe it. This was just introduced to me by my classmate also my friend. He noticed that I am into writing specifically poems and he said that I should try WordPress and BOOM! I started my own blog and it’s super fun! I fell in love with writing, everything my heart wanted to say was just typewritten and it’s very heart warming. The utter presence of my website being up is more than the definition of happiness for me.

Actually, I got a hard time finishing the look on my blog because it feels like a little bit dull with no pictures and interesting things posted. That’s why I started writing this. The very reason of starting a blog is sharing my thoughts with you guys! And also, writing is my passion, it fuels my soul with just merely happy vibes.

How about you guys?

What pushed you to start your very own blog? Just for fun or it’s more like passion driven because of curiosity?

– Nicole ❤