This is for people who pretend that everything is okay but it’s definitely not.
This is my very own spoken word poetry about myself. I hope you’ll like it. All the love.
When you see me with just your eyes looking,
You will not know the universe inside of me hiding
The universe wherein,
You are not allowed to explore
For the reason that
You might get stuck when you reach the core
The universe living inside of me
Is a monster
It is invading my system
Like a spreading cancer
Every. Single. Day.
I’ve been luring with this monster
“You are not worthy, you don’t deserve anything”
I’ve been having a hard time getting up in the morning
Because my breakfast
Are the doubts continually
Running inside my head
That this day,
I might fail
I might get a low grade in my quiz
I might hurt somebody with the things I will say
Or the things I will make
Afraid in every little detail of me
Afraid that I will be rejected
Afraid that I will make a mistake
Afraid that I will never be good enough
Afraid that everybody will leave me behind
Those thoughts are enveloping my universe inside
It drowns my soul
It drowns me that every time I wanted to swim
I’ll always end up sinking
This dark, dark side of me
Is the truth that
even though I’m smiling outside
even though I’m laughing at times
Even though sometimes I’m being carefree
Even though sometimes, you, the people I love see me, happy
But all of you don’t know,
That this girl speaking in front of you
Is craving for hugs because
Every night she cries herself to sleep
This girl needs love,
But she thinks people don’t allow it to be given to her
All she wanted was the problems to go away
But those always stay
She may be smiling
But she was dying,
Her heart has been shattering
And none of you knows that.
She is just
Wanting no comparison
Wanting no set standards
Wanting the word perfect
To be just a word
But does not need to be proven.
She’s that girl,
Happy at the outside
Broken on the inside.
But, still fighting bravely
In this war called life
Still, hugging positivity
Instead of dwelling on negativity
I have one request
Don’t just look at me,
With those judging eyes
Look at me as a girl,
Who’s struggling inside
But continues to fight
Look at me as a girl,
Who’s not perfect
Tries to prove herself.
Look at me as a caterpillar,
Will be a butterfly.
Look at me with the look evident in your eyes,
That you understand me,
Understand every flaw,
Because this is me.
You have nothing to do but accept the reality,
That I am me.
I am Nicole.
Date Created: August 19, 2017